Sex (a PG-13 post)

Well, today we finished our second "Sexual Intimacy in Marriage" study. The first one in May was great, but this one was at least 200 times better and all the more convincing that we (meaning the Body of Christ) need more transparency and discussion about this topic.

Today was most powerful since we had a guest speaker... Dena from the http://www.themarriagebed.com/boards/ -- a legend (at least over there). :) She stopped in for the second half of our study to tell her story of being married 17 years, being the "ice princess" to her husband, and her very recent awakening. What a powerful testimony of the transforming power of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Just 15 months ago, she admitted, she would have NEVER even SPOKE of things sexual. Pleasure, esp. sexual pleasure, was considered bad, even in marriage. She came from a church (where Mark, her husband, was on staff) that wasn't happy about the results when God healed her sexuality/libido/desire for her husband. And when they discovered some of her posts on the marriage bed site, they made it sound as if something illicit was happening... not understanding or teaching that God is lavish in wanting us to enjoy His gift of sex as the Song of Solomon promotes. So, of course, when she had an awakening of sorts - she was a threat and they asked them to leave. Imagine! Hard to believe...

Yet, it's so true... Christians, on the most part, have chosen to remove themselves from the discussion of sex -- all for the sake of purity and in return have been impure. When we are teens, we are just told, don't do it... remain pure... but that is many times not enough in dealing with the raging hormonal changes taking place. Also, in a day and time in which the average age in which couples get married is extended each year, this of course causes even more tension for a single Christian still trying to stay true to what they heard when they were teens: don't do it, stay pure. The church should be engaged in dialogue about this instead of just giving the knee jerk reaction: don't do it.

And of course, married couples... I think many times the assumption is for a Christian man... "when I marry, everything will be just fine. I will FINALLY have a sex life and everything will be great." Yet... how does the wife feel about sex? What are her views on sex? What was she taught? Is sex dirty? Would she be dirty in enjoying it? Did he or she have past sexual encounters that still linger in their mind? Are there other people in the room, so to speak, when the married couple is together? From what rule book, personal beliefs about sex, are each couple bringing into the marriage bed? Do they know how things work? Have they been "discipled" by older and more experienced friends of the same sex? Many a couple walks into marriage completely unaware of what lay ahead. And in some ways, that's perfectly fine... discovering together is always great.

Ah... but what happens when problems arise? The wife, for instance, that's never experienced an orgasm and thinks sex is ok, but doesn't see what the big deal is. Who will teach her about this? The husband that can't last longer than two minutes, who will help him with this issue? The man or woman with a secret porn addiction... who is going to be there to help? And these issues just scratch the surface.

WHEN THE CHURCH IS SILENT, THE WORLD SPEAKS LIES THAT PEOPLE BELIEVE. And I for one believe that sexual discussion should take place long before someone says "I do." And a couple should as well way longer than 2 weeks before they say "I do."

I am thankful for these last two events, and hope for more. Actually, I would love for Dena and Mark to share their story to our whole church (with 12 and under out of the theater). I think it would do a world of good.

To learn more about Dena and her story, see her profile at the following link below and read some of her posts. If you are married or engaged, I urge you to get involved with the discussions on The Marriage Bed forum. You can post anonymously and ask those nagging questions you've always wanted to ask. Good stuff...

May God help all of us learn to remain pure, holy, and true in whatever state we are in as Christians... whether a teen, a single, or married.

(http://www.themarriagebed.com/boards/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=469)